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Embracing the Herx

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I’m pretty damn sick, pardon my vernacular. This will be a short, choppy post…no energy for a well written one. I’m on a complicated regimen to fight this lesion-causing stuff (may well be the Bb spirochete associated with Lyme). There is some improvement, but it is slow and hard won. And I be herxin‘ like a mo-fo. Again, pardon my semi-vernacular.

The Herx (herximer affect—in short, that’s when the treatment makes you feel rather awful) is brutal. Brutal. Joint pain like I’ve never experienced (and I’m used to a lot of pain). Night sweats, chills, fatigue worsening (although I occasionally feel slightly better briefly), brain fog magnification…all part of my Herx life. It can be grisly. Aspects of it are rather gross, so I’ll skip that stuff. Trying not to think about it, anyway.
The good part (I think) is that Herx means it’s having an effect. So my war goes on…I find myself resonating deeply with stories from the trenches during WWI. Yeah, it really is that hard. It’s already given me PTSD. I’d have to gross you out to explain, and I’m too spoon-less to gross you out even if I was so inclined. So believe it, don’t believe it…I’m too busy herxin’ to care much.
As for unanswered emails, jewelry updates, or anything else…it’s all on the back burner for a while. Can’t deal with anything other than fighting for my life right now. I’m not intentionally blowing anyone off, I just can’t do anything. That’s just how it will be for a while. It may take a long time. I don’t know. And that’s assuming a positive outcome. So until then, everything will remain in a state of unfinished chaos.
Me, I’m just hanging on with everything I’ve got, surviving hour by hour. It’s exhausting just doing that. Trying to stay positive…that’s pretty hard. The second front in a two-front war, I guess.
And so I fight on.


Filed under: Arthritis, Autoimmune, CFS/ME, invisible illness, Jewelry, Rants & Raves, Strategies For Coping, The Rollercoaster Tagged: Eclectique, lesions, Lyme, updates

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